I Don't Wanna Work, I Wanna Play All Day!

So, I have a ton of things to do and no motivation to do them. It's monsooning outside, and I just want to go to sleep. Since I'm doing away with mindless eating, I'm blogging instead.

I am going to meet friends for dinner tonight, and I'm a little nervous. Japanese food by nature is fiarly healthy, but we're going to a Japanese steakhouse, which can be tricky. Lots of oil and margarine. I want hibachi, but honestly, I don't feel like trying to determine how many points is in it. Lazy, I am.

WW lists 1 cup of hibachi shrimp as 5 points, and a cup of veggies as 4 points. (Allotting for the oil and margarine, I assume. ) But I bet they aren't counting that awesome orange ginger sauce that they cover the shrimp. Did I mention it's awesome?

I just started over with Flexxies, and I have 33.5 left. I'm not really digging using all of my flexxies up on one meal, so I may just get sushi and miso soup. I'm really going for the company anyway.

My problem is that I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. I'm really trying to change that. If I screw up tonight, I'm afraid that I will toss the whole healthy eating thing out of the window. Intellectually, I know that if I ate what I really want tonight (filet) I could just hop back on the wagon and do well tomorrow. But then I will have screwed up my points, and it just wouldn't be the same.

Why am I so hard on myself? I'm a reformed perfectionist. If I can't do it right, then I don't want to do it at all, which is really a silly way to handle food. If this is a lifestyle change for me, then why shouldn't I eat the things that I want in moderation? Why do I have such little faith in myself?

I'm so afraid that I will fall off and then I will be the same size a year from now. I'm so serious about trying to make change, but it's scary. I've failed at this before, and I don't like that feeling.

I will succeed!

Ugh, sorry about the angst ridden post. I should put on my flannel shirt and party like it's 1994. Notice my uplifting proclamation at the end. Imagine me pumping me fist in a very uplifting manner while I shout, " I will succeed!" No? OK then.